The Four Agreements introduces the idea that many of our beliefs began as someone else’s opinions. Parents, teachers, religious leaders, and others teach us how life is supposed to work long before we can distinguish opinion from fact. As we adopt these ideas as beliefs, we make agreements with them. But what happens when an agreement no longer serves us? Can we change it? Absolutely. Drawing from the Toltec tradition, Don Miguel Ruiz suggests replacing limiting beliefs with four agreements: Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. Always do your best.
I recommend this book to anyone interested in understanding how their beliefs developed and how those beliefs influence their daily experiences. It offers a practical way to examine the assumptions we’ve carried through life, question what we’ve accepted as truth, and begin choosing beliefs that support greater peace and personal growth.
I first read this book in 2017, and it changed the direction of my life. The second agreement, don’t take anything personally, had the greatest impact. I remember leaving my office the day I read it and waiting in my truck to turn onto the road. As another truck passed, I made eye contact with a young man in the passenger seat. He was laughing. Immediately, I became defensive. What’s he laughing at?! As I drove toward the stoplight, I imagined all sorts of reasons this guy might be laughing at me and what I’d say if I confronted him. Then, suddenly, I remembered: Don’t take anything personally. My anger dissolved, I laughed at myself, and said, “Now I get it!” I had observed something, invented a story about it, and made myself angry over a situation I knew almost nothing about. He might have been laughing at me, but why assume that? And even if he was, why make it my problem? By letting go of that anger, I also avoided carrying it home to my family.
Since then, I’ve recommended this book to countless people and given away dozens of copies. Not everyone connects with it, and I’ve learned that’s perfectly fine. We’re all traveling our own paths, and what changes one person’s life may mean nothing to another. But for those who are ready to question their agreements, this little book might open the door to an entirely different experience of life. And if it doesn’t, that’s great, too.
A few years ago I made this 8-bar song based on The Four Agreements as part of a challenge issued by YouTube personality Pete Johns.
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